Any second now

As we sat in our room we kept looking at each other we were so excited so nervous so many feelings mix into one. I had so many thoughts running through my head yet I couldn’t say one word just sort of stood still in disbelief. They hooked Kelly up to yet another drip which we thought was for pain relief but what actually turned out to be something to speed things along. Kelly was also had a monitor on as well it was so nice to hear the baby’s heart beat but suddenly it stopped I was a little worried but Kelly wasn’t she told me that we have a baby that doesn’t really like to stay still for long and being some what of a veteran of monitoring sessions was used to this and just adjusted the device on her belly until we had the heart beat again. The contractions were starting and at first Kelly said they weren’t too bad, I thought to myself I bet that’s what they all say at first and was quietly bracing myself for the big ones to start. To speed things along the nurse suggested sitting on a large exercise ball and bouncing up and down for a bit which I don’t think Kelly enjoyed as much as me watching cause she didn’t do it for long. After about an hour or so the contractions started to build momentum and intensity and Kelly had change her opinion of them from “not so bad” to “I don’t like it”  By the two hour mark Kelly’s water broke so I ran and got a nurse. She came and checked Kelly and said “its time” It was so amazing we were so close to having our perfect family and in the next hour or so we were going to be able to hold our beautiful baby.

Any minute now

Our first weekend back was great and it was back to the hospital to have the check up like we were told part of me didn’t fancy going back but it was the right thing to do and the safest place to be so we went back to the maternity ward and I assumed my sleeping spot in the waiting room. Which after being in there so much everyone was getting used to seeing a large unconscious guy slumped in the corner. Kelly was being monitored for any contractions which by now was pretty normal for us, this usually took about an hour so when Kelly woke me three hours later I was a little confused why she had taken so long and I was a happy that I still had my wallet. The doctors had asked Kelly to come get me as they needed to talk to us both.. all I could think is “what now” We sat down and received a bit of news we wasn’t expecting at all we were told in a matter hours the baby would be here! After my three hour nap it was the fastest I’ve ever woken up in my life. Like a big slap right round the face. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing even after everything that had happened it still felt so surreal. I was so excited so was Kelly but I could tell she was more than a little nervous and who could blame her knowing what she was about to go through,  you hear so many stories and as this was both our first child  we never knew what really to expect.  As they led us to the our room I just kept thinking the time was finally here, I was going to be a dad.

Not long now

It had been 5 weeks since Kelly’s unexpected ambulance ride to hospital and we were still waiting for the doctor to say when we could go everyday we were told maybe tomorrow Maybe tomorrow. We had made a friends with the staff on the floor we have been staying on (not the cleaning staff)  but by this point we were starting to pull our hair out through boredom we had already exhausted every film, TV series and games we had. So all we could do is sit and wait and wait we did just for something, anything to happen and then we had some unexpected visit from one of the doctors overseeing Kelly’s labour he explained that it needed a joint decision form three doctors to allow us to go home and two of the them thought it would be safe for us to go home but one of them was always saying no. but he wasn’t here today and enough was enough it was time for us to go. Which was good enough for us! We never packed so fast in our lives and as we left leaving the dust cloud in our wake the doctor told us to be back Monday for a check up. Back at the parents house Kelly enjoyed he first unaided shower with out being attach to a drip in over 5 weeks and I was enjoy a nice hot meal instead of chocolate biscuits. That night we went to bed and it was then when I realised how good the little things in life can be, like being in the same bed as my fiancé and so happy just to lie down flat on a real bed that wasn’t made off rotting leather that smelled of 5 weeks of me and everyone else that had used it before me things were really starting to look up.

When the going gets tough

After the devastating news the doctor did his best to explain that at this point there was no need for too much concern as our baby was really small and the problems with her heart could sort itself over time. He also said that would of never even picked the problem up if they didn’t have the new machine they were using. He showed the holes in her heart on the monitor and I tried to understand what he was showing me basically all I could work out not really being a doctor and all that there were red colours where there was suppose to be blue and blue where there was supposed to be red part of me was just hoping there was a problem the contrast on his monitor but probably not. They wheeled Kelly back to her room there was nothing but silence between us. No matter how much someone tells you to not worry that’s all you seem to do, no matter how hard you try to be positive your mind keeps wandering to that dark side of what if… But one of us had to be strong and Kelly had already been through so much with the special diet, all the pills, being poked and prodded like a piece of meat more times than we could kept track of. Me missing out on sleep, walking round like the un dead and surviving on junk food from Lidel didn’t really compare. So i did my best to be positive and told her that the greatest things are always the hardest to get and when the baby is here it will seem all the better knowing what we did to bring our little miracle into the world.

From great to worse

As I said before Kelly was having daily monitoring sessions and weekly scan pics so we were getting quite an collection going and I just couldn’t help but stare at this little version of us growing with every scan taken.

 

 Our little baby girl was here right in front of us and with every picture I saw I felt more and more like a dad I just couldn’t wait.

Already we keep looking at the pictures and thinking how cute and perfect she was.

I mean to think that we could have done something so wonderful and great. Then on one morning after my always enjoyable wake up call the nurses came to take Kelly away as usual and I was trying to figure out what film I was going to watch again for the 3rd time when the nurses told me that I could go along as well this time as they were going to do some internal scans of the baby this time. On the way down I was feeling excited as I haven’t be allowed in with Kelly whilst she was having her scan for along time and was looking forward to seeing the baby move around on the screen. The doctor was friendly as was doing a good job of commentating on what parts of the baby he was scanning but when he got to the heart the commentary stopped and his expression changed to a look of concern. I thought to myself that there couldn’t be anything else wrong not now, not after all that we have been to get here. Then he dropped the bomb “I’m sorry but the baby has 3 holes in her heart”…..